I just finished reading an advertisement in the newspaper that was made to look like a science article. It had tiny print at the top that said advertisement. The article/ad was entitled “New Alternative to Adult Diapers and Catheters Sets Men Free.” At first, I thought that meant no more underwear. But I was wrong. Apparently it was like the American Revolution of urine collectors.
The article states that there are four million men in this country who secretly wear adult diapers. Not to mention an equal number who wear women’s panties. But that’s apparently not for medical reasons.
This device doesn’t cause any of the problems associated with adult diapers or catheters. Thank goodness I don’t yet know what those problems are. Although I don’t want to appear callous to those of you who do.
The article goes on to say that the device is made of a friendly material that attaches to the tip of the male anatomy. I don’t know about you but anything that attaches to the tip of my anatomy would have to be friendly. It goes on to say that four million men are already using the device, and since it previously stated that four million are wearing adult diapers, it looks like problem solved.
Why are they still advertising? Oh I get it, this device is covered by Medicare and Medicaid; adult diapers are not. And the article says this device, no pun intended, will sink the seven billion dollar adult diaper industry.
One man’s testimonial states that he has been set free. He can wear cargo shorts in the summer and not worry. This guy mentions he wears shorts with an 11” inseam. (This fact was not pertinent. I just think he was bragging.) He does go on to say that he had no worries when he went to his grand-daughters graduation. He was smiling from ear to ear (kind of like an infant who was relieving himself). He goes on to inform us that the hidden drain nozzle (say that three times fast) sits above his hemline so he can stand at the urinal like all the other guys. (I hope he remembers to unzip.)
There is also a recommendation from Dr., and I swear this is true, Cockburn- Dr. Cockburn says he personally tried it (I imagine just for the hell of it).
I wonder, is this the same Dr. Cockburn who did that testimonial on last year’s new Gonorrhea drug?
I have some alternative treatments that I came up with myself.
First, if you are going on a long driving trip bring an empty bottle of lemon lime Gatorade. It has a wide bottle top and lemon lime is the same color as urine. Just don’t forget that it’s not Gatorade!
Second, if you are going to your grand-daughter’s graduation, consider going to the urinal before taking your seat.
Third, try not drinking anything. This works like a charm. Just be aware this can lead to dehydration and fainting. Although, rest assured, even unconscious you will stay dry.
Note: The advertisement on which this post is based originally appeared in The New York Times.