Recently I have been diagnosed as having the flu. I had typical symptoms in the beginning; Sore throat, cold, headache, nausea, sweating, etc. As the weeks past all the symptoms slowly abated. But after four weeks I still had no energy and was still breaking out in sweats and suffering with nausea. Now these are also symptoms of heart disease. But, as someone who has been branded as a hypochondriac by family and friends I did not want to run to the cardiologist. As the days went on, though, I got more nervous every day. So I decided to run to my cardiologist. I called for an appointment. I described my symptoms to the nurse. I told her how worried I was and she told me to hold on so she could check the doctor’s schedule.
“Okay, she said, “ I can get you in on September 15.” Considering it was July 29, and I was anxious that I was having a heart event, I wasn’t thrilled that the appointment was so far in the future.
“Doesn’t the doctor have anything soon- like today?” I reminded her that my symptoms were classic heart attack symptoms.
“ Well,” she said, “I may have a cancellation on September 5. I’ll call you when I know.”
“Well, if I’m still alive then- I’ll take it. But isn’t there a way to get me in sooner? I’m not feeling well and I’m getting more anxious everyday,” I begged.
“This is the third time this year that you felt that you are having a heart attack,” she said sarcastically.
I knew I should have gotten a back-up cardiologist, I said to myself.
“And remember, the doctor gave you a complete workup recently,” she replied.
“Well,” I reminded her, “I was fifteen pounds lighter and was taking better care of my Type two diabetes. I mean I have become addicted to Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia in the past six months!”
“Listen,” she said, “if you really think this is an emergency you should go to the hospital’s Emergency Room.”
“The ER! With my insurance do you know what I will be charged if it is a false alarm! Two thousand dollars! And if they charge me two thousand dollars, I’ll definitely have a coronary. And you know what- I’ll blame the doctor for making me wait six weeks. Can’t you please get me in this week to see the doctor?”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I can’t because the doctor is on vacation. She went to Disney World.”
“Disney-World! Well when she gets back tell her I went to the After World! But if they have any souvenir shops there I’ll try to send her something. Just tell her to visit a psychic.”
"Hello? Hello? … Damn! she hung up!"